Have Mercy on Us All

Once upon a time… No… Long ago… Not that either… Oh, what the heck—shucks to it! Hello everyone! My name is Vanya, and I’m a Bogatyr. Yes, the real one, a true Russian Bogatyr. It wasn’t my conscious choice—fate decided otherwise. The fact is, they sent me on a business trip to a foreign country, so that our Motherland wouldn’t hit the mud. And there, these infidels in capes and colorful bodysuits swooped down. They don’t exactly want to take my life, but they’re getting in the way—damn it—milling around underfoot. And I’m a simple guy: if you don’t touch me, I’ll go along with it wholeheartedly. But these guys really got on my nerves: fame doesn’t let them see straight, it blinded them to the point they can’t back down from it and help a good person. So I have to hand out slaps and punches. Well then—let’s start from the very beginning…