On our way out, my ex-husband called me a fat, boring woman, then rode off into the sunset, taking almost all the savings and my best friend with him. I’ll start a new life with an extreme rafting trip down the river. “It’ll be fun,” my sister said—and, I, fool that I was, believed her and ended up overboard, in the power of a raging element. I drowned, woke up in a new body, and became a trophy for a snake. What could be worse? I’ll tell you what! These snakes weren’t even the biggest problem—and even after death, I still had to pick up a shovel!