Elvish for Amateurs

The only thing worse than diplomacy can be… high diplomacy! I had barely managed to settle my life in a new place when the elves arrived. And the dwarves. And of course, all onto my head. And everyone wants something from me.

Some want loyalty and reports written in the neat hand of a failed lawyer. Some want moral support and a reliable rear so they can run from their father the Lord and hide from brides. And some want my entire person with all her advantages, shortcomings, three volumes of a marriage contract, and a hammer included.

So how am I supposed to sort all this out now?