The Difficult Teenager: Conflicts and Strong Emotions. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Abstract.

You only asked your daughter to pick up her clothes from the floor—and in the next minute she’s already sobbing and screaming that you don’t understand her. You were talking calmly to your son, but it was enough to remind him that he needs to be home by ten in the evening, and he practically explodes with anger. These examples point to problems with emotional regulation, which are often a struggle for teens with high sensitivity.

You may be surprised, but clinical psychologist Patricia Zurita suggests you start with yourself—the parent. Because interacting with a difficult teenager stirs up uncomfortable feelings, thoughts, and experiences in adults. That’s why it can be so hard to hold back negative emotions and not respond to your child with the same—resentment, anger, or hurt.

By following the author’s recommendations, you’ll give up useless and ineffective interaction strategies, learn how to handle strong emotions, and how to respond in difficult situations in a way that brings you closer to your teenager—not pushes you further apart. And you’ll be able to become the kind of parent you want to be—an actual grown-up who supports meaningful, substantial relationships with their child.

About the book

This book consists of four parts.
The first part—“Getting Started”—introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). The author examines parenting strategies you may have used before to cope with your teenager’s behavior, and shows why they didn’t work.

The second part—“Being Present/Real”—is about learning to pay attention to the smallest details of your internal experience when you interact with your teenager. You will identify the different thoughts, memories, emotions, impulses, and sensations that arise—and learn to handle them so that your parental response is accepting and effective. At the end of each chapter, in a section called “Weekly Practice,” you’ll find exercises that help you respond to your teenager’s behavior in a way that reduces conflict rather than igniting it.

The third part—“Reorientation”—teaches you how to apply the newly learned skills: mindfulness, acceptance, empathy, assertiveness, behavior management, conflict resolution, dealing with anger, forgiveness, and compassion.

The last part—“The Ice Is Broken”—explains what to do during moments when things are really bad and the child shows parasuicidal (self-harming) and suicidal behavior. Although the author’s recommendations are generally universal, this part includes a chapter written specifically for fathers dealing with teens’ emotional sensitivity issues.

Why you should read this book

Broken emotional regulation is a chain of strong emotional reactions that happen instantly and change too quickly. It’s as if there’s an internal switch inside your teenager that can flip at any time. In those moments, they display problematic behavior—attacks, withdrawal, accusations, name-calling, threats. Standard parent reactions (anger, asserting authority, or tightening control) only make it worse. And before you know it, you become a “difficult” parent too. Is there an exit from this loop of reactions?

Patricia Zurita’s book will help you:
— understand what is most valuable to you as a parent;
— analyze your own reactions and give up ineffective patterns of your usual interactions with your teenager;
— work with your own strong feelings and teach your teenager to do the same;
— set rules for your teenager that they will accept and follow—not rules that only create the groundwork for endless conflicts.

This book will help you better understand your teenager—and yourself.

Who this book is for

For all parents of teenagers. Especially for those who feel they are losing contact with their child and would like to restore trusting relationships.

Also for psychologists and other specialists working with teenagers and their families.

Why it was published

“Just a phase, they’ll outgrow it” is what many parents of teenagers tell themselves. But tantrums and outbursts of anger are only the tip of the iceberg. If a teenager struggles to cope with their feelings, they may start experimenting with alcohol, illegal drugs, and unsafe sex; demonstrate dangerous eating behavior; try to harm themselves; and even attempt suicide. Regarding these difficult situations, Patricia Zurita provides advice based on her years of clinical experience. However, most of the book focuses on how to prevent this kind of development—not to lose contact with your child during adolescence and to help them overcome heightened emotionality.

About the author

Patricia I. Zurita is a doctor of psychology. She began her work as a school psychologist, later continued as a clinical psychologist, and is currently a staff member at the Center for Behavioral Therapy of the East Coast. She has extensive experience working with children, teenagers, and adults with mood disorders, as well as with patients suffering from anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Key concepts
Teenagers, teenage psychology, difficult teenager, raising a teenager, emotions, anger, anger management, conflict, conflict resolution.