My future employer made one condition: unmarried girls—and even more so those with a child—have no place in the company. I should have refused the whole idea right away, shrugged it off, and moved on, but I’m not the kind of person who gives up halfway. So I asked my former classmate to marry me. Just for show. Our loved ones liked the idea so much that they decided to hold a real wedding. Only things didn’t go according to plan, because our first night as spouses was the most real one of all. Contains profanity.