Real cats don’t eat from food bowls, at least not from bowls labeled “KISKA” (kitty). Real cats don’t wear flea collars, they don’t pose for Christmas cards, and they don’t chase anything that has a bell hanging from it.
A real cat eats pizza. And goose innards. And really, anything that’s left on the table. A real cat will hear when the owner opens the refrigerator, even from the other end of the house. Real cats, CATS WITHOUT FOOLISHNESS, don’t need nicknames. But what nicknames they don’t get! The best one is “Anubrysnimeddlenmerzavetcetakoj.”