Her Majesty's Foreigner

Chapter I. Folkestone beginnings
A Lord at the piano
Get into the director’s chair!
Silk pens
Gentleman Peter
Interlude (from Henry Feofanoff’s diary) To understand the English, you need to know that they:
Chapter II. My land is Blighty
Sentiments and attachments
Friendship in English
On first-name terms with an Englishman
In defense of the “stingy beef”
Interlude English rules (from Henry Feofanoff’s diary) 1. The rule of the worn-out smoking jacket
Chapter III. The English secret
Loose contract archers
England is the home of coconuts
Where did the gentlemen come from?
Heirs of knights, sons of the sea
Chapter IV. From gravity to spam
Toilets worthy of an empire
A knight of the World Wide Web
The triumph of English absurdity
Interlude English rules (from Henry Feofanoff’s diary) 2. The rule of all right
Chapter V. Heirs of grandfathers and grandmothers
From Folkestone to Buckingham
The third on the list of great ones
A true story about the lovely Cinderella
Chapter VI. Twinks and proletarians
A genius of communication
How taxi drivers become gentlemen, and vice versa
Horrors of political correctness
For every fart
Interlude English rules (from Henry Feofanoff’s diary) 3. The rule of not trying too hard
Chapter VII. We love the strange
With a boot on your head
A prince as patron of eccentrics
Passion for dressing up as a fool—an antidote to stagnation
Chapter VIII. Bending the world
A fez, a fur coat and eccentricity
From coffins to contraceptives
Run to China
Tea passions—troubles
Chapter IX. Druids, sex and lizards
The second coming of King Arthur
Peasants, freemasons, martyrs
Down with the tyranny of lizards!
Chapter X. Are the English people really people?
Sex in English
The country of triumphant homosexuality
Homo Britannicus
Chapter XI. Difficulties of translation
The art of what’s left unsaid
So what did the actress tell the bishop?
Dear Woofk!
Chapter XII. Here it smells of Rus’
The descendants of a demi-god
The Russian queen
Family names—pseudonyms
An Anglo-Russian baron-phon
Chapter XIII. Living with the English
How they argue
London-grad
English rams
Interlude English rules (from Henry Feofanoff’s diary) 4. The rule of the queue
Chapter XIV. Anglophiles and Anglophobes
A sponge as a symbol of England
“Aren’t you Jewish, are you?”
The predecessor of Hitler
Madness with a system
Northern Germany is an island
Sea vs. land
Chapter XV. Mission accomplished
The English melting pot
If the “Titanic” were to sink today…
Return to a small island
England in retirement?