Separation. How to Stop Depending on Other People

Each of us can find in ourselves many “frozen” reactions in which, in one way or another, is reflected dependence on parents or the environment where we grew up. They all require that they be noticed—that is, realized.

To become truly an adult, you need to go through the process of separation. Separation means that you were able to complete all the old childhood processes in which you didn’t receive the important initiation into adult life.

When we claim our experiences, live through our processes, we separate and become mature. Only by consciously overcoming the fear of an engulfing parent, restoring your own separate identity, grieving what happened in childhood, and strengthening your personal rights can we let go of old defenses and resistance to relationships. As we grow up, we will feel stable enough.

Successful separation guarantees that:

• you will find support within yourself;

• adult life will stop scaring you;

• you will feel strong enough to overcome all difficulties;

• you will allow yourself things you previously even feared to think about;

• you will stop imagining other people as bigger and yourself as smaller and powerless;

• you will begin to value and respect yourself;

• you will learn who you are and what you truly want.